​

Hi Reader,

People often ask me how I transitioned my career out of design leadership into coaching. I tell them this story of working with my very first executive coach. About ten years ago, I was on the leadership team of a consulting company and the CEO gave me a harsh piece of feedback. We had high trust, so his message (eventually) resonated with me even as I felt the immediate sting of his words:

“You’re smart, passionate and clients love you co-creating visions for their products. Yet sometimes you can be a little bit abrasive. Can we help you take care of that?”

Yes, there was unconscious gender bias at play, but neither of us were aware of it at that moment in time before we had clear language and norms around sexism in the workplace. Instead, the interaction catapulted me into a tremendous period of self-learning and transformation guided by the expertise of an executive coach. Some years later, my work with coaches inspired me to transition away from my first career in tech.

That was my first lesson in asking for help. With my first coach, I learned to practice range — I could keep my naturally forthright communication style with some people, yet with others, I needed to start with a gentler buildup of trust before sharing my strong opinion. I found that working with a coach can truly accelerate your skills & career. In the subsequent years, I’ve worked with dozens of professional helpers — coaches, consultants, shamans — around a diverse array of topics including building my business, expanding my spiritual practices, public speaking, writing, and guiding my teen to think about college.

Recently my child custody schedule changed, and I find myself a single mom to two teen girls almost full-time. I felt a new level of overwhelm and depletion when working with their emotional ups and downs. I received an unexpected outpour of group and individual support when I posted about my exhaustion.

I was initially embarrassed by all the people who reached out to check on me. (OMG, why did I do that?). At the same time, I’m filled with gratitude for all the helpers in my life.

Outside of a professional relationship, asking for help feels scary because it comes from a place of vulnerability, of admitting that you don’t know something. Yet it’s also a huge gift for the other person to have someone else approach them for their expertise. It’s hugely flattering!

Many of the leaders I support are servant leaders who are conditioned to be the helper. This can lead to burnout and resentment when you put yourself last. One big leadership edge is learning to ask for help (and then accepting the help!).

​

My Blog Post: Mentor vs Coach: What Support Do You Need for Professional Success?

One of the easiest ways to get out of professional stuckness is by asking for professional help. I frequently talk to people about what the difference between mentoring and coaching — I’ve done both for many decades — and wanted to share my insights. Check out the post for a handy-dandy chart on how you might consider choosing between a mentor versus a coach.

​Read the full article
​​

One Quote from Others

“Don't be afraid to ask questions. Don't be afraid to ask for help when you need it. I do that every day. Asking for help isn't a sign of weakness, it's a sign of strength. It shows you have the courage to admit when you don't know something, and to learn something new.” ” —Barack Obama

​

Try an Experiment

Reader, are you open to trying an experiment?

Think of an area that you’d like a help in that you’ve never tried before. Professionally, it could be asking someone to explain a confusing topic or asking a past colleague to make an investor intro. Personally, it could be asking a neighbor to help with a home project or a family member for advice in their field.

In the next two weeks, can you ask someone for help in a new area? Hit reply and let me know what you want to try.

​

Wishing you space,
Tutti

​Website | LinkedIn | Instagram​
Feeling overwhelmed by busyness? Check out my book Make Space to Lead

I share this newsletter every 2-4 weeks. It serves as a prompt to inspire your own experiments in leadership and is how I coach startup cofounders, entrepreneurs, and corporate leaders. Please unsubscribe if they're extra spam in your overstuffed inbox. If you’ve gotten this email forwarded to you and want to receive regular updates, you can check out the archives or subscribe.​