​

Hi Reader,

I’m often a know-it-all. I can pride myself in being a good problem solver and I also love gathering evidence and data so I can make informed decisions. This morning, I heard a beautiful reframing when one of the investors at a top venture capital firm told me that when evaluating founders, he looked for learn-it-alls. He described the founders as having intellectual honesty and a driven curiosity around their business and product. My jaw dropped and I realized that I’d just received a powerful language reframe.

Know-it-alls can be closed and feel the driven pressure to be the smartest person in the room. They always have the right answer

Learn-it-alls adopt a beginner’s mind and keep seeking more knowledge. The questions are more important than the answers.

I’ve just returned from running my third annual women’s leadership retreat, The Heroine’s Journey, in Mendocino California. On my four-hour drive back to San Francisco, I reflected on how my leadership style has changed between each retreat. The first one felt very scripted. I needed to have every detail planned out and stay exactly on task. The second one was much looser, yet still a little bit anxiety-inducing because I added in many different teaching locations including a vision hike that needed to be pre-vetted. This third one felt entirely organic with a lightly held agenda that easily flexed.

As we closed the circle of thirteen women, my hugest gratitude is that I was able to learn from every woman in the circle — they were all my teachers. It feels that I might be shifting from know-it-all to learn-it-all over the three years.

Book Learning

This is also the first retreat where we provided a bookshelf with some of our favorite resources. When I think about the different purpose of books in my life, I came up with four categories, with the last three supporting the learn-it-all mindset.

1. Pure entertainment. For me, these typically are romance novels or young adult coming of age / fantasies. (none of these were on the bookshelf above)
2. Perspective. These books teach new frameworks or ways of thinking that can be simple yet life changing. For example:
   • The Long Game by my business coach Dorie Clark reminds us that as leaders we can get so caught up in the day-to-day yet it’s far more important to practice patience and consider what’s most important to build over the decades of a career.
   • Top Five Regrets of the Dying by Bronnie Ware offers wisdom from the patients of a palliative care nurse about what they valued most.
3. Skills-building. Practical tips for how to make changes in your life. For example, read:
   • The Coaching Habit by Michael Bungay Stanier to build more listening and question-asking in your leadership
   • The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron to bring more creativity into your life
   • Atomic Habits by James Clear to help with getting new habits to stick
4. Inspiration. These books aren't meant to be read from cover-to-cover but instead to be picked up and savored when some extra emotional salve is needed. For example:
   • Atlas of the Heart by Brené Brown helps us name and better recognize our emotions
   • Poetry by David Whyte simply soothes the soul

One Quote from Me

“When you’re in the messy middle, continue to trust the process.”

One Quote from Others

“Life is a good teacher and a good friend. Things are always in transition, if we could only realize it. Nothing ever sums itself up in the way we like to dream about. The off-center, in-between state is an ideal situation, a situation in which we don’t get caught and we can open our hearts and minds beyond limit.” —Pema Chödrön, When Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice for Difficult Times

​

Reader, do you identify as a know-it-all or a learn-it-all? Perhaps you can switch between both? Hit reply and let me know what feels like the truest part of your identity.

Wishing you space,
Tutti

P.S. My best friend Irene Salter and I have a brand new group leadership program for women, the Heroine’s Circle, that starts on November 2nd. You’ll be meeting online for 8 months with a cohort of caring, servant leaders who want more spaciousness and less overwhelm in their leadership. We’ll build this intimate community and practice sustainable success. We will celebrate reaching our big goals together with a retreat in Hawaii in May 2024. Reply to this email if this intrigues you

​Website | LinkedIn | Instagram​
Feeling overwhelmed by busyness? Check out my book Make Space to Lead

I share this newsletter every 2-4 weeks. It serves as an extension of the leadership & growth conversations I’ve had with many of you. Please unsubscribe below if they're extra spam in your overstuffed inbox. If you’ve gotten this email forwarded to you and want to receive regular updates, you can check out the archives or subscribe.​